


a change would do you good

by Plutonian



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-25
Updated: 2016-03-02
Packaged: 2018-01-13 18:46:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1237090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Plutonian/pseuds/Plutonian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt Hummel was convinced that his soulmate was Blaine Anderson. However, the name he got was someone entirely different.</p><p>Set in an AU world where your soulmate's name appears on your wrist on your eighteenth birthday.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I thought that I found you, and I don't wanna love somebody else

Kurt’s hand ran idly through Blaine’s hair as he lay on the bed, his eyes staring up at the cream coloured ceiling, but his mind wandering elsewhere. His boyfriend of one year was wrapped around him, his legs draping lazily over Kurt’s and his arms wrapped tightly around Kurt’s side. He glanced at the clock on the wall facing him, and watched as the seconds hand moved slowly around. The clock told him that it was three o’clock, and that Kurt had been eighteen for three hours - that he had had the name of his soulmate on his wrist for three hours.

_Kurt had been five when he had first learnt about soulmates, and the huge event in his life that would happen on his eighteenth birthday. He had been curled up on the couch with his mother, learning to read with a book. As his mom had turned a page, Kurt had found his eyes focusing on the black scribbled that had been on his mother's wrist forever. And actually, it was on his dad's too. He squinted as he tried to read it. B... Bi... no, Bu... Bunt? Burt! Like his dad! His mom had his dad's name written on her wrist. That was cool... but kind of weird._

_"Are you okay?" His mom had asked._

_Kurt had nodded, "Yeah. Why... why do you have daddy's name on your wrist?" He frowned, confused by this fact. His mom smiled, resting her left hand on her back and showing Kurt the name on her other arm’s wrist. "Oh, sweetie,” his mom had said, smiling down at the name on her wrist, “He’s my soulmate.”_

_“Soulmate?” Kurt had heard that word before, being talked about by people in public, and on the TV. His kindergarten teacher had told them in class a few months ago that she was marrying her soulmate. Kurt hadn’t thought anything of that word back then, but then he hadn’t had the chance to ask either. “He’s the love of my life. He and I were meant to be. When you’re eighteen, Kurt, you’ll get a name on your wrist just like I got one. And your soulmate will make you the happiest you’ve ever been, Kurt. And you’ll love them more than you love anybody else,” his mom smiled fondly at Kurt, and Kurt had smiled a toothy grin back at her. “More than you and daddy?” Kurt had found that hard to believe he loved him mommy and daddy more than anything else._

_“Yes, more than me and daddy,” his mother had smiled, before asking, “Now then, do you want to read The Gruffalo again?”_

Thirteen years later, and Kurt’s eighteenth birthday had finally arrived. He didn’t know why he was so worried. It was obviously going to be Blaine. He’d known as soon as he met Blaine on that staircase at Dalton; the pair had shared that undoubtful connection that his parents and grandparents had always talked fondly about.

It was rare, but not unheard of, for people to find their soulmates before their soulmate’s name appeared on their wrists. He and Blaine had been in the fortunate few who had, and every day Kurt was glad that that was so. But he couldn’t help but feel apprehensive at the thought of finding out who his soulmate was. Although he was sure it was going to be Blaine, the cynical part of his mind reminded him that it could just as easily be someone else, someone like Karofsky, or Finn, or someone he didn’t know - someone other than Blaine. And he hated the thought of that happening.

“Blaine?” he whispered to his boyfriend, looking down and smiling at how adorable he was. Blaine’s grip on Kurt got tighter as he replied, “Mmhmm. Sleeping.”

“Blaine, I’m eighteen,” Kurt shook him, gently enough to wake him up. Blaine rubbed his nose against Kurt’s shoulder and mumbled, “Mm,” before opening his eyes wide, fixating them onto Kurt’s wrist and whispering, “Can we see?”

“Let me first,” Kurt said, pulling his right hand wrist from the bed covers, but still hiding it from Blaine. He didn’t know why, the act was more instinct than anything else.

“Kurt,” Blaine whined, “We know it’s going to be my name. I want to see.”

“Wait. I just… I want a moment to see myself.”

“Okay,” Kurt could feel Blaine turn to face away from Kurt, to give him more privacy, “But show me as soon as that’s over?”

“Okay,” Kurt nodded, before turning around so that he could see his wrist and not Blaine. He covered his wrist with his left hand, before bringing it up to his face and letting go, revealing black, cursive writing ingrained into his skin. Writing which read Sebastian Smythe.

Kurt’s eyes watered as he stared at the name.

“Kurt?” Blaine asked cautiously, “Can I see?”

Kurt was frozen, staring at the name.  A million thoughts went through his head, memories of that rodent-faced man and his snobby personality, the arguing and the loathing shared between them, when Sebastian threw a rocksalt slushie at Blaine - a slushie that had been for Kurt.

“Kurt?” Blaine’s voice was reduced to a whisper, something that in any other situation would have calmed Kurt immediately.

“It’s not you,” Kurt whispered, his voice squeaking slightly, “You’re not my soulmate.”

“What? Kurt…” Blaine paused, and Kurt knew him well enough to know that his face would have softened, and he was reaching out to hold Kurt’s hand, like he always did. He was right; he felt Blaine’s fingers brush against his palm, as Blaine’s right hand clutched onto Kurt’s left.

Kurt was right. He knew everything about Blaine, from his favourite colour to how he’d always eat cookie dough ice cream when he was sad. How Blaine had only ever been to one Katy Perry concert - which had been two years ago in Columbus - and it was one of the greatest days of his life. He knew that Blaine’s first word was his brother’s name, that his favourite cheesecake was peanut butter, that he secretly listened to My Chemical Romance whenever he was angry. He knew so, so much about Blaine. Because he loved Blaine. And yet the universe was telling him that he belonged to Sebastian Smythe, the irritable meerkat that had threatened Blaine and Kurt’s relationship only months ago.

“Can I see?” Blaine asked, and Kurt finally turned to face him.

“No. I can’t…” he paused, attempting to swallow the lump in his throat, “It doesn’t matter. It’s just a name. It doesn’t mean that I don’t love you, or that our relationship means nothing. It’s just a name.”

“But it’s your soulmate, Kurt.” Blaine paused, pursing his lips and looking down.

Kurt could see his eyes water, and squeezed Blaine’s hand gently as he said, “He’s not you. And you’re much better than any soulmate.”

“But I’m not. We’re-” Blaine gulped, “We’re not meant to be.”

Kurt froze, staring at Blaine. He was right, but Kurt was certain they’d get through this. He was never going to be in a relationship with Sebastian Smythe, that much was certain, not while he still hated the man so much. Kurt and Blaine were soulmates in Kurt’s eyes, and a different name on his wrist wasn't going to stop that. “Blaine-” Kurt began, but Blaine cut him off.

“Kurt. We’re not soulmates. However much I love you, there is someone out there that loves you more than I ever could.” Kurt sat up, shaking his head in disbelief. His soulmate was Sebastian Smythe, a man who loved ‘em and left ‘em - did he even possess the capability to love, somewhere deep down in his small, bird-sized brain?

“Are you- are you breaking up with me?” There was a slight crack in Kurt’s voice, one that Kurt hoped Blaine wouldn’t notice. He looked at his boyfriend, utterly confused from Blaine’s sudden

And it had been sudden. Blaine had always been certain that he and Kurt were soulmates, and any doubt he’d had had been only when he had woken up earlier that morning. All of this, everything Blaine was saying was completely unpredicted - and that made Kurt begin to wonder whether it really was, or whether he really had known Blaine at all.

“I’ll help you find him. But… yeah. I’m sorry Kurt.”

“What if I want to be with you, Blaine? Not him?”

“You can’t. It doesn’t work like that.”

“Not everybody finds their soulmate, Blaine.” This was the truth - while many people did find theres, other’s soulmates’ died before they could find them, or they were just never able to find each other. Both of which were surprisingly common.

“But you will. You always do the things nobody expects you to do.” Blaine sat up, resting the palm of his hand against his lip as he considering what he was going to say. “We both have soulmates, Kurt. People we’re supposed to be with. People who will love us in ways that we can’t possibly comprehend, people that will fill empty holes in our hearts.”

“We?” Kurt’s voice became sharper, louder.

Blaine stared at him. There’s eyes met, and Kurt narrowed his. “You’re not my soulmate either, Kurt. I don’t know who he is, but I’ll find mine too. And I’ll love him more than I ever loved you.”

“Blaine. Are you-”

Blaine looked away. “Oh. I didn’t mean it like that, I just-”

“Get out.” Kurt’s voice cracked, a sob breaking through. His throat was dry and his eyes bloodshot, as he slid back down into the covers of his bed.

“Kurt,” Blaine pleaded, “I promise you, I didn’t-”

“Get out,” Kurt yelled, pulling the bed covers over his head, and turning away from Blaine’s side. Blaine complied this time, grabbing his things and walking out of the bedroom.

As soon as Kurt heard the door slam, he curled up into a ball and let the tears he’d been holding back free.

* * *

A few hours later, he was woken up by a gentle knock at the door. Kurt sat up enough so that he could see the door, and saw that it was slightly ajar, with his father standing on the other side of it, his head poking through. “Hey buddy,” Burt said as soon as he was sure Kurt had noticed him, “Can I come in?”

Kurt nodded, sitting up grudgingly, knowing very well that he looked like an absolute wreck.

“So I heard you and Blaine this morning,” Burt began as he walked over to Kurt’s bed and sat down on the edge, “And I just wanted to tell you, I’m here for you. Whatever you need.”

“I need my soulmate to be Blaine,” Kurt mumbled.

Burt expression softened. “Listen, Kurt,” he began, “I know it seems hard right now, but it’ll get better. So your soulmate’s not Blaine. The way he just acted? I’m glad. The last thing I want is for my son to be in a relationship with a guy who will ditch him at the first obstacle.” Kurt snorted, rolling his eyes at the thought of his soulmate being any different. Burt looked at him, expecting him to share.

Kurt sighed, looking down at his fingernails, “Do you remember Sebastian Smythe?”

“Yeah, that’s the guy that threw that slushie at Blaine, right?”

Kurt lifted his arm up gingerly, showing the name written on his wrist to his father.

Burt blinked, before looking back to Kurt. “Kurt, I had a girlfriend around the time of my eighteenth. Her birthday was a few weeks before mine, and when she found out who her soulmate was… she didn’t stick around. But it didn’t matter. If I had met your mother then, when I was in high school, she wouldn’t have liked who I was. I grew up a lot in the four years after I left high school. And by the time I met your mom, I was a decent enough man. You’ve met Sebastian when he’s what, 17?” Kurt nodded, so Burt continued, “He’s got a lot of growing up to do. But that doesn’t mean that he’ll never be yours, Kurt. You just met him too early.” Burt stood up, tapping his son’s knee as he did so. The touch was familiar to Kurt, something Blaine had always done when he and Kurt had shared nothing more than a friendship. “But if you want to stay at Mercedes’s, or whatever, you have my permission,” he walked over to the door, and turned around when he reached it, saying, “Happy birthday, son.” He smiled at Kurt, and Kurt smiled back weakly.

And with that, Burt was gone.


	2. life's not worth a damn, 'til you can say: hey world, I am what I am

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for this taking so long. I’d like to say that my life is busy, and that is why, but really I just procrastinate a lot. And really, I didn’t expect to get such a big response from just the first chapter! Thank you for those that commented/reviewed, left kudos, favourited and followed the story and even the person who added this fic to a community! Really, I couldn’t ask for a better response. Hopefully this fic will be up to your standards!
> 
> The title comes from 'I Am What I Am', from the musical 'La Cage Aux Folles', which I chose because this chapter focuses mainly on Kurt, although there is a Kurtbastian scene (finally!!!!) at the end.
> 
> Unfortunately I have not been able to contact my original beta, so my good friend Alvin stepped in to help me out, which I am extremely grateful for. My original beta was [blackberrytee](http://archiveofourown.org/users/blackberrytee/pseuds/blackberrytee), who is an amazing writer, and you should definitely go and read her fic!

“Ready?” Rachel asked, her fingertips tapping against her letter lightly, but still creating a constant, excited beat. She was grinning, a bright, beaming smile that still didn’t capture how excited she was feeling. She knew, a pulsing in her veins, that she’d gotten in. She just knew. She was, after all, Rachel Berry, and if there was one thing Rachel Berry did, it was shine like the star she was. After her performance at Nationals, and the way Carmen Tibideaux was looking at her, she just knew that she’d done it.

Santana watched her for a moment, before sighing and taking the letter from Rachel’s hands. Rachel yelled, “Hey!” and tried to grab it back, but Santana opened it quickly, and tossed Rachel the envelope. She stepped backwards, away from Rachel, as she read the letter. “Dear Miss Rachel Berry… blah blah blah…. whatever. Anyway,” she handed the letter to Rachel, “You got in.”

“What, really?” Rachel’s voice rose several decibels, opening the letter and reading it through herself. She stuck her chest out, playing with her hair a little, as if pretending to be surprised.

Kurt, however, wasn’t. He rolled his eyes, sitting back on one of the choir room’s many chairs, and looked down at his letter, which he had placed down in the seat below him.

“Says right here,” Santana showed Rachel the letter, pointing at one point. Kurt couldn’t see what she was pointing at from his viewpoint, but he could figure it out.

“I can’t believe I got in!” Rachel yelled, “I mean, I am Rachel Berry, future Broadway star, and it would have been stupid of them to not let me in… but we’re going to New York!” She squealed, jumping up and down. Santana put her arms around Rachel’s neck to stop her, and the two shared a kiss that Kurt spent the entirety of the time staring at Mr Schue’s whiteboard for.

Eventually, they finished eating each other’s faces, and Rachel walked over to grab Kurt’s acceptance letter from his hand. At first Kurt let out a sound of surprise, but instead just lay back and sighed, “The more time you spend with Santana, the more you become her.”

“I just want to see if you’ll be joining us in New York,” Rachel reasoned, opening Kurt’s letter and reading through it, “And you are!”

Kurt grinned, snatching the letter from Rachel’s grip, “Really?” He read over it, and there it was in block letters, the phrase that was changing his life.

He was going to live his dream. Finally, he was breaking free from the suffocating confines of Lima, from the homophobia, the constantly being judged, the dim surroundings of jock chic or whatever those high schoolers called their appalling sense of fashion. He was going to New York, the city of dreams, and he was going to live in a place where he was not only accepted, but celebrated, and his interests thrived amongst like-minded people.

It was also away from one Sebastian Smythe. Kurt had tried not to think about his soulmate too often (in fact saying that Sebastian was his soulmate was still as awful as it had been when he’d first read his tattoo) but he would admit that Sebastian had popped up in his mind from time to time, and this was one of those times. As far as he was aware, Sebastian had no plans to go to New York. He’d never mentioned a passion for musical theatre, like he, Rachel and Blaine had, instead he probably would have mocked Kurt for it. There was no chance he was going to be there.

Kurt had managed to survive the school year so far without telling anybody about the name written on his wrist, even Rachel or Santana, whose eyes were far too prying for his comfort.And all without having a mental breakdown in the process - which was definitely a bonus, and a success, considering there was months worth of chances for other people to find out, being paranoid in the locker room, covering his wrist with everything he could find and eventually making various cuffs that fit him perfectly - and fit his outfits too. So far, only Kurt and his father knew who Kurt’s soulmate was, and that was exactly the way Kurt wanted to keep it.

He wore cuffs now, different ones for different outfits, but ones he had made himself, and so fit his wrist perfectly. He had also successfully convinced the people around him that while he wasn't going to tell them his soulmate anytime soon, it was definitely _not_ Blaine. Blaine, of course, wouldn't be discovering his own soulmate for another year, so Kurt had plenty of time to get over his ex-boyfriend before seeing Blaine all loved up with his soulmate. That is, if Blaine found him easily. But Blaine had both money and a determination to find his soulmate, insert rolled eyes here, so that wouldn't be too hard for him.

Although, Kurt wasn't sure whether he experienced jealousy from this hypothetical meeting because of Blaine’s hypothetical soulmate’s existence, or because Blaine’s soulmate would be perfect for him and they could dive straight into a satisfying relationship, whereas Kurt and his soulmate couldn't. He was afraid that it was the latter.

Kurt had gained sympathy of course, from those who were clearly shocked when he told them that Blaine wasn’t his soulmate, and from others who had disliked Blaine in the first place. Sam was one of the latter kind, and his reaction had been a barely-concealed smile. Kurt never thought anything of it, but he assumed that Sam just wasn’t a fan of Blaine. After all, it had been awkward between them since that time before Regionals. Finn had reacted by giving Kurt a pat on the back (although it was really more of a shove, but Finn’s heart had been in the right place) and telling him that his relationship with his soulmate would be so much better than his relationship with Blaine ever was. He knew this from personal experience, of course.

“I was so mad when Rachel got Santana’s name instead of mine,” Finn had told him that night at the dinner table, spitting a little of the food he was chewing out onto the wooden oak table as he did so, “Cause, you know, I didn't even know Rachel was into girls. I mean, she looked at Quinn’s boobs a lot, but I just thought it was a girl thing. You know?” Kurt had shook his head, eyebrows raised slightly as he glanced at Finn’s mouth, “Not really.”

“Well, you've always been into dudes and stuff. Did Blaine ever look at someone else’s dick or something?” Kurt spluttered, shaking his head ferociously.

“Oh. Well. Anyway,” Finn stuffed more food into his mouth. Kurt’s eyebrows rose higher, “I didn't expect that to happen to me and Rachel. I thought we were gonna be okay, Santana didn’t want to be with Rachel or anything. But then Puck got my name and I was… I didn't even know I was into dudes, but Puck’s awesome. He’s like a bro… but I sleep with him. And the sex is awesome. Rachel was great, but she didn’t really get what I wanted, and Puck does, cause he’s a dude. It’s awesome. And I don’t have to worry about all the romantic stuff either. We do it sometimes, but Puck’s not demanding like Rachel. He’s fine with a blowjob and a-”

“Thank you, Finn,” Kurt interrupted, face turning red as he smiled at Finn. He dismissed himself then, retreated back to his room and that had been the end of that.

The rest of the school year had passed quickly, and he had, on the off chance, applied for Parsons, New York’s most famous (and hard to get into) college. Kurt had worked for months to get in, the hardest he’d ever tried for anything, and there he was, standing with his hopes and dreams in his hands. He’d gotten in. He was going to New York.

He squealed just as loudly as Rachel, jumping up and down with her with energy fuelled by the excitement and happiness he was feeling right now.

“We’re going to have the best apartment!” Rachel cried, “Just the three of us, until Kurt’s soulmate joins us, and we’ll explore the city together. Go to Broadway shows, eat out in Little Italy, or Chinatown, or Hell’s Kitchen.” Kurt and Santana glanced at each other, as if to tell each other to quiet Rachel down, and Santana sighed, pulling Rachel into yet another kiss.

* * *

Graduation came, and Kurt found himself saying goodbye to the group he’d grown to love (somehow) over the past three years. But not all of them, however - Finn and Puck he’d be seeing a lot, although both were considering joining the Marines (something Kurt definitely didn’t agree with) and Kurt was unfortunate enough to be moving to New York with Rachel and Santana, even though Santana had asked for a separate apartment so that they could go about their shenanigans while being as noisy as they liked. However, Rachel didn’t want to leave Kurt all by himself in a big city.

They moved in only a month after graduating, all three of them eager to break out of the confines of Lima and Western Ohio, and to venture on to explore New York themselves. And so they found an apartment in Bushwick that was perfect for the three of them, and settled into New York like it had always been their home. For Kurt, New York was everything he’d always imagined it to be. Full of so much culture, of experiences that Kurt had never even considered possible until he’d arrived there. Of sights so breathtaking and wonderful that they were like real-life postcards, of people so fascinating and interesting that made Kurt one of the most popular at Parsons. Couples of all gender held hands in the street, and hot men partied until dawn at New York’s many gay bars, which were so much better than Scandals had ever been,  and without the disgusting meerkats that he’d rather not waste time thinking about. Finally, he had found a place where he was not only accepted but appreciated, where he had more friends than he had family members, and not just because of a club he’d joined.

His cuffs were working tremendously, and he was so used to wearing them he forgot he was actually wearing them quite a few times. Nobody bothered asking him about his soulmate here - it seemed that they got why Kurt was covering it up, like they knew what an asshole He Who Must Not Be Named was, and they understood that Kurt wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with his soulmate any time soon… which turned out to be a common feature of New York city life.

Kurt sighed as he heard a knock at the door. He glanced over at Santana and Rachel, who were too busy involved in each other to hear the door. Kurt rolled his eyes, standing up with a jaded, "I'll get it," and walking over to the door. He pulled it out of the way, to see a familiar rodent-faced man, the one whose name was written on Kurt’s wrist. He was frowning at Kurt, gripping his own wrist tightly. Kurt glanced at him, eyes wide, before his stomach dropped and he pulled the door closed quickly, before turning to Rachel and Santana. They were looking up at him now, attention no longer on each other. “No way,” Santana said, getting up from Rachel’s lap (and Kurt definitely didn’t want to know what she’d been doing there), “Was that just Ohio’s own Brian Kinney? What, did he fuck everybody in Ohio and decide to move on to New York?”

“What?” Kurt asked, confused, before shaking his head and continuing, “What’s the date?” Kurt asked, racking his brains to try and remember Sebastian’s birthday. It was definitely November, sometime early in November… he must have turned eighteen.

"3rd November," Rachel answered back, tilting her head slightly, "Is everything okay, Kurt?”

Kurt pursed his lips before pleading, "Can you go somewhere else, please?"

Rachel and Santana shared a look, Santana arching an eyebrow and doing an obscene gesture that quite honestly made Kurt feel nauseated even thinking about, before grabbing their bags and walking over. “We’re off to the park, then,” Santana told Kurt, “If you’re not too busy making out to come look for us.” They opened the door and Santana grinned, “I knew it. Nice to see you, Kinney.”

“As in the esteemed Brian Kinney?” Sebastian asked, smirking already, “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

Kurt rolled his eyes, “Please just go.”

"If Sebastian is blackmailing you, you can tell us," Rachel smiled, "I've been taking self-defence classes since we arrived in New York, and while I don't believe in hurting people or violence, if it is in my friend’s defence, I won’t hesitate to use my newfound knowledge." She glared at Sebastian who just shrugged, that god-awful smirk twisting his lips.

"That's not needed," Kurt smiled back, "But thank you, Rachel."

As soon as they had turned down the corridor, and out of earshot, Sebastian arched an eyebrow and stated, "Clearly your manners haven’t improved since we last spoke, but I’m guessing that’s because you haven't told them."

"No shit Sherlock," Kurt rolled his eyes again, stepping away from the door and expecting Sebastian to enter. When Sebastian did, Kurt told him, "I know why you’re here, and we're not doing anything about it. I doubt you want this either." He closed the door behind Sebastian, and turned to face his present company.

"Actually," Sebastian nodded appreciatively at Kurt, almost as if he was checking the older man out. He looked like he's about to say something that would change the situation, and fear bubbled up in Kurt's chest. Sebastian must have seen this because his lips twisted into another smirk and he finished his sentence with, "Why don't we sleep together first? Soulmate sex is the best kind, supposedly."

And- well- okay, so that was true. It was supposed to be all about the love, about the intertwining of two souls, of feeling the most intimate as one can be with one’s soulmate. But Sebastian wanted to turn it into something else, into something cheap and meaningless, to take what Kurt had dreamed about since he knew it existed and to turn it into something that Kurt would never want. He’d already lost his virginity to a man he regretted being with, he didn’t want this taken away too.

Kurt sighed, "You'd know this from your experience with Blaine, of course." Blaine had moved on quickly after his relationship with Kurt had ended - and straight onto Sebastian, it seemed. The last time Kurt and Blaine had spoke, Blaine had been raving about how Sebastian must have been his soulmate because he always felt amazing in Sebastian’s company, like his heart wanted to jump out of his chest. And the sex was so amazing and Blaine felt like it wasn’t just their bodies intertwining but their souls too, and Kurt had excused himself from the continuation of that particular conversation by commenting on the fashion choices of one woman that had been sitting not so far away from them.

"Are you jealous?” Sebastian chuckled, licking his lips, before scrunching up his nose, “He's fun, but... a little too vanilla for my taste. Your sex life must have been so boring, Hummel."

Kurt rolled his eyes, "I'm not jealous. I'm completely over Blaine, it’s been months."

And Sebastian bounced back, "Are you jealous of him, though?"

"What?” Kurt had to take a step back just to comprehend the possibility that he and Sebastian could be, well, anything. “Just because we're... whatever we are, doesn't mean I'm in love with you, Smythe."

Sebastian pouted, "A pity. So is that a yes to the sex?"

"It's a no,” Kurt said, proud of himself for sounding so sure. Not that he wouldn’t be, he’d rather have sex with a cat than Sebastian Smythe.

"I guess I'm off to the bars, then. Might as well taste what New York has to offer before I move here next year."

"You're moving to New York?" Kurt raised his eyebrows, the question coming out way too shocked for his liking. New York was a big place, but there was still the chance that they could bump into each other, or that they could end up frequenting the same coffee shop, and Kurt’s favourite was currently a small coffee shop named Aroma, which selled the best lattes in the whole of the state, as far as Kurt was concerned, and he’d hate to have to go elsewhere, especially when he really loved that coffee shop. This theory, of course, was being based on Sebastian having impeccable taste quite like Kurt’s, and judging by his fashion choices this simply wasn’t the case.

"My father's making sure I get accepted into Columbia,” Sebastian’s smile was wily and shrewd, and Kurt had a feeling that Sebastian’s father’s methods would be far from legal.

"Columbia? There are plenty of other Ivy League's away from New York."

Sebastian frowned, tilting his head slightly, "Yeah, but none are quite like Columbia."

"Couldn't get into Yale? Or Harvard?"

Sebastian narrowed his eyes slightly, "That's irrelevant."

"Of course.” Kurt pursed his lips in thought before planting a fake smile on his face and saying with faux excitement, “Well, have fun whoring and drinking yourself to an early death. Don't forget to use protection, and I hope I never see you again."

"Nice seeing you too, Hummel,” Sebastian said with what looked to be the beginning of a wave before Sebastian decided against it, and then walked out of the apartment.

Kurt pulled the apartment door shut, and sighed as he rested his head against it. Sebastian was no doubt on his way out of the apartment block, and that was the last Kurt ever saw of him. He subconsciously tugged his cuff, and stood up properly, raising his head and pulling his shoulders back and correcting his posture.

 

 


	3. and I don't want the world to see me, 'cause I don't think that they'd understand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt is at a party. It's boring, but the company gradually gets better as the night goes on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DID IT!!!! A year after the first chapter was published, chapter three is finally better. It's 11pm, I literally just wrote the ending and the fic is unbetaed. So I'm sorry for the shitty quality. But half of the next chapter is written, and I have a feeling you guys will like that...  
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated.

Kurt was dying. From boredom, that was. He could feel himself age with every passing minute, feel the wrinkles sink in and the grey hairs grow. He stared gormlessly at the half-empty cocktail in his hand (courtesy of Sam) and considered why the hell it had seemed a good idea to go to Blaine’s annual Christmas party. He was subjecting himself to the most excruciatingly painful form of torture, and - worst of all - before he’d arrived, he’d actually been excited.

In theory, the party seemed amazing. It was a break from the family packed into his dad’s house back in Lima, especially the ones who kept asking about Kurt’s soulmate. By the time Blaine’s official Facebook invitation had come through, three days prior to the event, Kurt had jumped at the chance of being free for a short while.

The party was more like a concert, although he supposed all of the Glee club parties were like that. A neverending supply of solo after duet after group number after solo provided the entertainment, and as the night went on the singers got more and more drunk, and the entertainment became ever more entertaining.

But most importantly, Kurt’s friends were there. Kurt wouldn’t have been there in the first place if the party didn’t offer him the chance to see all of his old Glee club friends, and even a few of the Warblers who happened to be in Ohio for the holidays. But what he hadn’t realised when Blaine had mentioned that he’d invited some of the Warblers this year, was that ‘a few of our old Dalton friends’ included Sebastian Smythe.

How he hadn’t realised that before he arrived, Kurt had no idea. He’d been too excited at the possibility of seeing his friends again that he hadn’t even stopped to them about the man that ruined his life every single day.

Blaine’s new best friend and latest ex-boyfriend happened to be Sebastian, so why the thought hadn’t crossed his mind was something Kurt mentally face palmed himself about. There was absolutely no reason why Blaine wouldn’t invite Sebastian to his party. And Sebastian would come, most likely just to annoy Kurt. Or alternatively, because he was Blaine’s lapdog and would do anything just to see the smaller man again.

Kurt should really move; he’d been sat in the same spot for over half an hour now, and judging by the glances he was receiving, people were starting to notice. Before long he’d end up with a few of his friends forcing him onto the dance floor, or worse - he’d be forced to be a third wheel to Rachel and Santana. As if he didn’t get enough of that at home anyway.

How exactly Kurt had ended up here, he hadn’t really taken notice of. He’d been talking to Mercedes about Marc Jacobs’s new line when he’d sighted Sebastian Smythe mingling amongst the crowd, in an avid discussion with Blaine and a few other Warblers. Sebastian had looked over just as Kurt had and the two caught each other’s eyes, Sebastian glare verging on curious, but Kurt looked away before he could really notice. He was probably plotting how to embarrass Kurt best, anyway.

Kurt had retreated to the corner of the room with Mercedes at that point. Mercedes had picked up on the fear of god in Kurt’s eyes and like any good friend had moved Kurt away - much to his relief. She’d even stayed with Kurt for a few minutes, until one of the Warblers (Trent? Was that his name?) asked Mercedes to duet with him. Mercedes had promised she’d return but, well, she never did.

Kurt instead chose to observe Sebastian from afar, watching as he spoke to both Warblers and New Directions members. It was interesting to see, the dynamics between Sebastian and whoever he was talking to. He seemed to change his whole persona depending on who he spoke to; his posture, his body language, the way he interacted with them. With the Warblers he was casual, his posture slightly more slumped and his hands dug into his jacket pockets. When he spoke to Santana he stood up straight, shoulders back, but one hand remained in his pocket. But with his other hand, Sebastian was gripping his drink.

He and Sebastian hadn’t spoken since Sebastian had turned up on Kurt’s doorstep at the lot, but Kurt could barely get through a day without being reminded of the name on his wrist. Kurt wouldn’t put it past Sebastian to tell someone, to flaunt the fact that Kurt was his soulmate but Kurt would be subjected to spending his life forever alone because Sebastian was above dating someone like Kurt. He’d laugh at Kurt’s face, because the fears that Kurt had had since he was in middle school about being forever alone were becoming a reality, and then the others would join in. The others who all had their relationships. Hell, even Rachel and Santana had somehow managed to become something.

But Kurt was alone. As far as he was concerned he didn’t have a soulmate. As much as he yearned for the love a soulmate brought, as much as the absence of his soulmate left an ever-present ache in Kurt’s chest that Kurt couldn’t make go away, he didn’t have one. He couldn’t have one, not if the name written on his wrist was Sebastian Smythe’s. Even if it broke him every time he considered it, he couldn’t deny the truth.

Kurt was distracted from his thoughts by Rachel attempting to attract his attention by flailing her arms up in the air. What she did succeed in, however, was to get the whole room to give her a bemused side eye.

“Kurt!” Rachel yelled as she stumbled over, attempting (and failing) to be graceful as she sat down next to Kurt. “We should duet! Blaine has Wicked! We should do Wicked!” she cried, her drunken state had led to her words slurring a little, and Kurt felt the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose.

“Rachel,” he began with an exaggerated sigh, “Go bother Santana, please.”

Rachel pouted, and Kurt felt a little guilty for putting her down like that. “Santana’s busy. And you look so sad! I know how much Wicked cheers you up”

“I'm wallowing in self pity. It’s… an artistic choice,” Kurt glanced over and saw Blaine and Sebastian talking in a corner. JSomething hot flared up inside his chest and Kurt looked away hastily, instead choosing to watch Quinn, Santana and Brittany sing one of their old Unholy Trinity classics.

“Rachel, if you please-” Kurt began, but Rachel stood up before Kurt could finish his sentence.

“I understand,” Rachel said, her bottom lip still out, “But we have to sing at the New Years Party. No excuses!” She pointed at Kurt but ended up stumbling again. She turned around and walked off towards Santana, leaving Kurt alone again on his couch.

“No excuses,” Kurt repeated to himself, looking down at the floor.

 

* * *

 

Not even an hour later Blaine awkwardly walked over to Kurt, wordlessly sitting down next to him on the couch. The two sat in silence for a while, Kurt waiting for Blaine to speak - because he knew he would, at some point.

“I’m sorry, for what I did to you,” Blaine eventually mumbled, his eyes not catching Kurt’s. “I was hoping you’d find your soulmate by now, that leaving you would give you the chance.”

Kurt rolled his eyes, crossing his arms. “You chose your soulmate over me, Blaine. Before you even knew who he was,” Kurt stared at Blaine, his eyes catching Blaine’s unwilling ones, “And for your information, I have found him. But I’m not interested in pursuing a relationship with him.”

“I’m sorry, Kurt, I really am,” Blaine pursed his lips, looking down in shame. He shook his head, scooting closer to Kurt on the couch they were sharing, “But we broke up so we could be with our soulmates, or at least that was my intention. And, I mean, whoever he is… he’s your soulmate. He’s the guy that was made to be with you.”

Kurt looked away, “It’s not that easy, Blaine.” The statement itself barely passed over the truth. He and Sebastian would never work, and Kurt would never be with someone who’d treated him that way. If anything, Kurt had self-respect. And with someone like Sebastian Smythe - who was to say he’d stay loyal? He was the type that would go on weekend-long business trips when he was really sleeping around with a pretty, young twink.

“Talk to me about it?” Blaine asked, his hands moving to Kurt’s shoulders to squeeze them, “I know things weren’t well after I ended it, but we’re both mature adults - well, nearly - and I want to be friends with you. If you’d allow us to be.” His expression had turned to the puppy dog eyes he used when he wanted something and they were working; Kurt was considering it.

Blaine had been his best friend for so many years, even back when Kurt had been hopelessly in love with Blaine. And boy, that was embarrassing to admit, even in his own head. But he knew Blaine, and Blaine knew him. Or at least, they knew the people they had been back when Kurt was in high school. And maybe he hadn’t changed much, but New York had shaped him, even if it was just a little bit. As for Blaine… well, Kurt had never really taken the time to find out.

“He’s an asshole,” Kurt started, and Blaine’s eyebrows rose a little. He nodded, listening to Kurt intently. Kurt continued, “I can’t be with him. I’m not going to put myself in a situation where I’ll get hurt, even if dad says he’ll change eventually. He’s still the asshole he was when I first met him. He proved that.”

Blaine nodded, licking his lips as he thought. “Maybe you just have to wait, then. He may be an asshole now, but he can change. Besides, just because he hasn’t shown you his softer side, doesn’t mean he doesn’t have one.”

Kurt scoffed, “I find that hard to believe. I wouldn’t be surprised if he turned out to be the son of Gaston. Or maybe Jafar.” He narrowed his eyes, picturing Sebastian dressed like either of the pair. He stifled a giggle, his face turning a little red.

Blaine laughed, “Come on, he can’t be that bad, right?” But when Kurt shot him a glare he stopped, his face turning awkward, “Well, he’s like that now, but he’s immature. He’ll grow up, and he’ll grow into someone worthy of being with the great Kurt Hummel.” Kurt nodded, even though he didn’t believe it himself - he couldn’t believe Sebastian could be anything but the jackass he’d shown Kurt he was.

 

* * *

 

Kurt was next interrupted by mistletoe being shoved way too close to his face, and then the familiar face of his least favourite meerkat. He sighed, immediately showing his annoyance at Sebastian’s presence.

“Like the mistletoe?” Sebastian asked, his eyebrows arched and his lips pursed in a sly smirk, “Blaine gave it to me, of all people.”

“Just because we’re in the same room doesn’t mean we have to talk to one another,” Kurt responded, “I’d rather not talk to you, actually. I was planning on avoiding you.”

“But it’s mistletoe. And considering the fact that you’re a twelve-year-old milkmaid who grew up in the forests of Germany, you know what it means to stand underneath it.” Sebastian grinned, shaking the plant in front of Kurt’s face again, “And from what an annoying little hobbit-bird hybrid told me, you’re no stranger to a good, casual make out session.”

“Don’t you have other people to bother?” Kurt asked, rolling his eyes at Sebastian’s persistence, “Other people that don’t have to be reminded of your existence every time they look at their wrist?” He rubbed the cuff around his wrist, Sebastian’s eyes watching him as if they were staring straight through the cuff.

“They’re not nearly as fun as you,” Sebastian admitted, “And none of them look like they needed the attention as much as you did.”

“I don’t need the attention,” Kurt crossed his arms, “I’m sitting on this couch so that I don’t get bothered with the likes of Santana or you. But apparently that tactic isn’t working tonight.”

“Santana, huh?” Sebastian grinned, sitting back. He threw an arm over the other side of the couch, leaning on the back of it, “That’s interesting. What is she trying to do, read your mind with that Mexican third eye of hers?”

“She’s trying to set me up with one of Blaine’s friends,” Kurt mumbled, “Apparently Blaine has a lot of relatively attractive gay friends. And Santana’s been getting friendly with the majority of them. She’s already texted me half the guys’ numbers. Among other things.” His cheeks reddened at his last sentence.

Sebastian laughed, looking around the room, “These guys aren’t bad, but you could do better. I’m pretty sure some of them are leaders of the unprotected sex front.” He pointed at a guy in the far corner, who was in deep conversation with Sam, “Yeah, I saw that guy at one of Ohio’s bareback parties.”

“What were you even doing there?” Kurt asked, sitting up in his seat, “Haven’t you already been scared into wearing a condom by the countless STDs you’ve already caught?”

Sebastian shrugged, “I thought ‘BB’ stood for bubblebutt.” Kurt stared for a moment before bursting into laughter. Sebastian Smythe, sexual pioneer of the homosexual kind, ending up at a bareback party because he got his definitions wrong.

Sebastian frowned, waiting for Kurt to finish his laughing fit. Kurt cleared his throat, letting out a little snort, “Sorry, I just… I keep imagining it, and it’s hilarious.”

“Yeah, well. As hot as it was to see a bunch of hot gay men in a giant orgy, it wasn’t my kind of party,” Sebastian’s bottom lip stuck out just a little bit, “But I suppose you wouldn’t know, anyway.”

Kurt rolled his eyes, “My sexual experience is not yours to know. And I’m not stupid enough to go to an orgy like that. You probably caught something just being there.”

“Don’t get your panties in a twist, princess, I get tested regularly. And in case you’re interested in getting it on with your true love, I’m clean,” Sebastian’s tongue swiped over his bottom lip, something Kurt eyed nervously.

Kurt was tempted. If Sebastian wasn’t as annoying as he tended to be Kurt would have slept with him. He knew the guy, and Sebastian was attractive. Kurt wouldn’t waste any time denying that. But if Sebastian wasn’t as annoying, they’d be living happily ever after in New York, where they’d go to Broadway shows and Wine & Cheese Tasting Parties every other weekend. They’d be happy and in love and Kurt would finally have the soulmate he’d dreamt of since he was a boy. They’d sing duets as they made breakfast together, have marathons of I Love Lucy for whole weekends. When Kurt released his first line his soulmate would be there, holding his hand

These were ideas he’d thought of late into the night, the idea sending him off into a peaceful sleep when the loneliness became too much.

And yet the more Kurt thought about it, the more his thoughts came back to Blaine. He’d always pictured Blaine in that position, and while he’d tried to picture Sebastian, he couldn’t. The image wasn’t right, and Kurt was left with a gaping hole in his heart. He wouldn’t be able to sing a duet with Sebastian, he doubted Sebastian had even heard of I Love Lucy, and he had no interest in Broadway shows. All of Kurt’s ideas when it came to romance and courting were dashed away by the presence of Sebastian Smythe in his life.

He blinked, realising Sebastian was talking to him. “Sorry, what?” he asked, staring at Sebastian with confusion etched all over his face.

Sebastian laughed, “As much as I love you staring at my face, what I was saying was pretty important.” Kurt raised his eyebrows and Sebastian continued, lowering his voice, “Our situation… you haven’t told anyone, right? Not even Blaine?”

“Nobody,” Kurt assured him, “Blaine and I have barely spoken since I graduated.”

Sebastian nodded, pursing his lips, “We’re still keeping up our deal of not telling everybody?"

“Yeah,” Kurt nodded, glancing down, “Absolutely. You’re not the soulmate I wanted to have, it’s better either way.”

“Okay,” Sebastian nodded, his eyes unwilling to meet Kurt’s own, “Good.”


	4. we gotta make ends meet, before we get much older

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt's out in the dating pool with someone he can see himself going somewhere with, Blaine calls and then the night is almost over - but not before Sebastian Smythe makes an appearance, of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at this, guys! Less than sixth months and there's already a chapter! Unfortunately this one is plot-driven, but the next chapter (the one I was referring to when I posted my _last_ chapter) is half-written and I am so, so eager to write that. It'll either be posted within the next week or so, in late May or early June.  
>  I realised that at the rate I'm going writing this fic it's going to be finished in like ten years _at least_ so I'm going to get off my ass and finish this fic quicker than that. It'll take, like, maybe five years now. But we've got to the good stuff now, or at least we will have by next chapter, so I'm super pumped about that.  
>  Also, I'd like to thank all of you who've stuck around for not abandoning my child in the long wait. Really, you guys are awesome. And thank you to my brand new beta Karen, who has been helping me out with my other fic(s) as well. She writers Seblaine [here](http://archiveofourown.org/users/TiburonWriter/), if any of you wanna go check that out. And she's amazing. Like, seriously, I love her.

“So really if you think about it, the government made 9/11 happen,” Bradley finished with a mischievous smile, leaning backwards on his seat as he looked across the table over at Kurt.

“I- what?” Kurt shifted his focused gaze from the window behind Bradley, looking up with a puzzled expression at his boyfriend.

The restaurant buzzed around them, full of about half of Manhattan - or at least it seemed that way to Kurt. Bradley sat in front of him, thankfully seemingly not too worried about the lack of attention Kurt was paying to him on their… what was this? Their fourth date now?   
"You weren’t listening,” Bradley shrugged, stabbing the last of his pasta with his fork, “I’m actually surprised you heard that. I thought I’d have to bring out the big guns and talk about how Patti Lupone should have quit years ago.”   
Kurt gasped, reaching over to smack him gently on the arm, “Well, then you just might have lost a boyfriend.”   
“It’s a good thing I didn’t then,” Bradley smirked, his foot knocking against Kurt’s. “So are you going to tell me what’s on your mind?”   
Kurt blinked, “I… yeah. Just…” he held his breath, “Soulmate stuff.”

Bradley sighed heavily. “Kurt. We’ve talked about this. Neither of us have found our soulmates, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be happy before we find them, right?” He reached across the table to hold onto Kurt’s hand, squeezing gently. 

Kurt shrugged with a strong unwillingness to look into Bradley’s eyes before finally admitting, “I know who my soulmate is."

Bradley blinked, and for once Kurt thought he actually looked surprised, his face showing something so different from the usual expression of amusement or happiness Kurt was accustomed to seeing on him. “Oh.” 

"Oh! He’s not…” Kurt shook his head, “I don’t want to date him. He’s… an asshole. I’d rather be with you than with him.”

Bradley stared at him carefully, the two sharing an awkward silence for a few beats, “Are you sure? I know we’ve been together for a few months now, but I understand if you want to be with him.” He smiled at Kurt, who was reminded of his break-up with Blaine. If only Blaine had acted like this - then maybe the two of them would still be together. And, man, what a whole other story  _ that  _ would have been.

Kurt nodded, his thumb running across Bradley’s knuckles, “I want to be with you, I’m sure. I’ve known my soulmate since high school, he’s not growing up anytime soon. I can’t see myself ever being with him, I just…” he hung his head low, moving his hands away from Bradley and placing his hands down onto the table between them for a moment before looking up into his boyfriend’s eyes, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be thinking about him.”

Bradley shrugged, “It's okay. I can't say that I've never thought about my soulmate before. As long as we still want the same thing, I'm happy to continue with what we have.” The statement reminded Kurt yet again of how mature Bradley was.

“Does ‘the same thing’ include a bottle of wine and a marathon of last season's Project Runway?” Kurt asked, eyebrows tilted a little, “It could even include pizza if we're quick. And then,  _ maybe _ , you could stay over.”

Bradley leant back in his chair, sighing, “You have no idea how much I want that to happen... but I have an essay to hand in first thing and  _ then  _ I’m apartment hunting until class.”

Kurt raised an eyebrow, “I thought you said you could deal with Neale?”

Bradley shook his head, wrinkling his nose in disgust, “I can’t. Either I’ve got to find a new place,  _ with a new roommate _ , or one of us will end up dead, for sure.”

Kurt licked his lips, “Well, if you can deal with hearing Rachel and Santana going at it at two o’clock in the morning, you can use the loft as a hideout.”

“God, you’re amazing,” Bradley leant over the table, pecking Kurt’s lips lightly, “I swear, the Project Runway and pizza thing will happen. Just not tonight.” He sat back down, gazing affectionately at his boyfriend.

Kurt narrowed his eyes, nodding a little, “Okay. But you owe me.”

Bradley nodded, grabbing the attention of one of the passing waiters and asking for the bill. He turned back to Kurt as the waiter walked off, pulling out his wallet. “Then consider tonight on me.”

  
  


Kurt sighed as he reached the loft, throwing his bag down onto the floor and leaning against the door with a sigh. He knew immediately he’d be alone (one of the reasons why he’d wanted Bradley to come back to the loft with him), as Rachel and Santana were off seeing a show that would only just be getting into its eleven o’clock number now. He walked over to the kitchen, deciding to make himself a hot cocoa before he’d finish the night off with some America’s Next Top Model reruns.

He bit his lips as he placed his mug down onto the counter, his mind wandering back to Bradley and their date, before he was distracted by his phone vibrating loudly against his painted-on jeans. He pulled out his phone to see it happened to be Blaine ( _ of all people _ ) who was calling him. With a frustrated sigh he answered it, turning around to lean against the counter, “Hi.”

“Kurt,” Blaine began, “How are you?”

“I’m good,” Kurt shrugged, pursing his lips as if he was trying to contain his glee as he casually said, “Just got back from a date.”

“Oh my God!” Kurt could hear Blaine’s excitement through the phone, “Did you find _ him _ ?”

Kurt rolled his eyes, his shoulders relaxing, “I… no. Bradley is just looking for companionship, like me. Someone to have until he finds his soulmate.” He swapped his phone over to his other ear, “D’you know his soulmate is a girl?”

“He’s bisexual?” Blaine’s amused tone could be heard through the phone, “Look at you, Kurt Hummel. New York’s somehow made you even  _ more  _ open minded. Who would have thought it?”

Kurt laughed, leaning on the counter and shaking his head. This connection that he and Blaine had (that some may even go so far as to call  _ chemistry _ ) was something he missed, and he knew that being Blaine’s friend somehow sat way more comfortably on his shoulders than being Blaine’s lover ever had. Perhaps the fact that they could become better friends than lovers suggested that they hadn’t had that much of a romantic relationship in the first place. Perhaps they hadn’t even been in love.

But hey, they had just been teenagers, right? Kurt’s much more mature outlook on life just a few years later meant he was focused on establishing relationships that he knew were strong and healthy, nothing like the examples he used to dote on in high school. At some point he’d actually thought Ross Geller and Rachel Green were a functional relationship, for Christ’s sake. His judgment on romance and love had been poor - but hey, he didn’t exactly have many more life experiences to combat that now. Just a slightly broader perspective.

“I was never explicitly against bisexual people,” Kurt corrected Blaine, “I was against  _ you  _ being bisexual. Because I thought that we’d be soulmates, or if we weren’t soulmates and I’d have to fight for you against some beautiful girl and I’d never stand a chance.”

Blaine laughed, “Come on, that’s not true. I’ve seen you on Black Friday. You almost broke that woman’s nose for those jeans. You were just afraid this soulmate of mine would sing Streisand better than you.”

Kurt rolled his eyes, covering his mouth as if he was whispering into the phone, “As if your soulmate would be Rachel Berry. And we all know the only person who would ever be even close to being on par with Streisand would be me.” He laughed, before swallowing heavily, “Just don’t tell her I said that.”

“Don’t worry, it’ll be our secret,” Blaine promised, before clearing his throat and awkwardly saying, “Which actually brings me onto why I called.”

It took Kurt a moment to realise what Blaine meant - he was talking about his soulmate. Kurt frowned, wondering why exactly Blaine was calling about soulmates when his eighteenth birthday was a few more months away, when Blaine continued, “I know who he is.”

“Oh?” Kurt asked, curiosity getting the better of him. Blaine must have had a pretty bold soulmate if he came out and told Blaine before he got his mark as well.

There was a long pause, as if Blaine was attempted to build suspense until he simply said, 

“Sam.”

For some reason, Kurt found himself letting out the breath he didn’t realise he’d been holding. “Evans?” He looked down, a smirk on his lips as he realised that his gaydar had been on point since he had first met Sam.

“He was…  _ incredible _ ,” Blaine began to babble. “We were in the courtyard when he just appeared with his guitar, and he just… he started singing. It was just… breathtaking, you know? Like I saw him and I just felt like I saw  _ him  _ for the first time. My soulmate. The one I’ve been searching for for years, the guy who’s been sitting beside me and supporting me for years, without either of us realising what we actually were to each other. It’s just… exactly the way I always dreamt it, you know?”

Kurt pursed his lips, choosing not to bring up the spat Blaine and Sam had gotten into during Kurt’s senior year. Instead he bit his bottom lip, wiping the tears that he hadn’t really realised were running down his face, “It sounds perfect. But I’m sorry, Blaine, I’ve got to go. I’m sure Rachel would love to hear about it, though. So, I’ll just… you can talk to her later. Bye?” His mouth was running away from him, trying everything he could think about to get out of the situation he’d somehow ended up putting himself into.

“Okay,” Blaine replied, the concern clear in his voice, “You sound a little… are you okay? I didn’t upset you, did I?”

Kurt replied with a sharp, “No,” before swallowing again, “I’ve just got… things to do. Bye.” He ended the call, sliding down the counter to rest his head on his knees and let the tears continue to pour down his face. He dropped his phone onto his lap, the conversation leaving Kurt vulnerable thanks to what he believed to be his biggest insecurity.

Blaine was getting his happy ending.  _ Blaine _ , who’d hurt Kurt so many times before with his selfish attempts to find that happy ending had finally gotten it. And Kurt, Kurt was stuck with a soulmate that he feared would never want, or even be satisfied by him. A soulmate who was happy being immature and hurtful and everything that made Kurt angry about the world. Kurt was alone, desperately and utterly in alone in a world full of partners and true love and fairytales that people told themselves about their lovers to help them sleep through the night.

He realised that he couldn’t fill the void in his chest. Bradley, no matter how perfect or nice the guy seemed, couldn’t fill the void. The only person that could was selfishly holding the last piece to Kurt’s heart and keeping it all to himself. Kurt had no attempts at happiness like Blaine had, at least not in the way his parents had, or the countless number of couples surrounding him had. He’d persevere through his fashion, channel the sadness and hopelessness he felt into turning his life into something else, something different… but right here, right now, he was accepting it. Even though this gave him the determination and ambition he needed to succeed, even though he’d managed to make it to New York, and to the best school for fashion where so many others had failed, he felt like no matter what he did he’d forever be stuck trying to fill a void that would never be filled. But to put aside all that and focus on the here and the now was something Kurt had been wanting to do for a while, and this blossoming (if you could call it that after the fourth date) relationship with Bradley was a chance for Kurt to appreciate where he was in the present, rather than the fact he was going to be alone when he was old and grey. But hey, that would be at least four decades away.

Kurt had barely recognised what he was doing before he heard a familiar sound from his mobile, and looked down at his phone’s screen to see that somehow he’d ended up calling Sebastian. He returned his phone to his ear, despite plans to hang up before he’d even started, and waited for Sebastian to pick up.

The phone barely rang twice before Sebastian picked it up, “Hummel. Didn’t realise you had my number.” He laughed a little, “Is this a booty call? Because I can be in New York City in a few hours, at most.”

“This isn’t a booty call,” Kurt replied, focusing on keeping his voice level, “I must have clicked your number by accident, I- I’m sorry.” He bit his lip, cursing himself for the shakiness in his voice.

“Hey, happens to me all the time,” Sebastian admitted, “I swear, the amount of times I’ve almost called you when I’ve been meaning to call someone else - well, I can’t count them on two hands.”

Kurt froze up, surprised at what exactly he was hearing, “So why didn’t you let it ring?”

“Like you’d want to talk to me, princess,” Sebastian remarked, “I’m hearing a lot about your new life from your Warbler friends. What would you want with the constant reminder that you have a ball and chain, anyway? I, for one, would want you out of the picture within minutes. If my father wasn’t a hopeless romantic and hoping for someone who could tame me, I would have made sure you’ be living in Uganda or Belgium within the hour of my eighteenth birthday.”

Kurt glanced down. The glaring caption attached to the image of Sebastian in Kurt’s head stated ‘THIS GUY IS A DOUCHE, WHY DO YOU KEEP TALKING TO HIM?’ was practically glowing inside his head.

Kurt sighed, stretching himself out from the fetal position, but remaining on the tiled kitchen floor. “Thank you,” Kurt responded sharply, “I’ve always wanted to go to Belgium. That would have been the better choice, if I’d actually  _ had a choice _ .”

“I’ll mention it to my father,” Sebastian said, his smartass words accompanied by an empty tone. “We’ll see what he can do.”

Kurt hung up before either of them could say anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have questions or comments, I'm tracking the acwdyg tag on tumblr (provided nobody else is using it...) and that will also be where I'll be posting updates, meta, excerpts and, hell, whatever you want. Give me suggestions, because this is for you guys as much as it is for me. Whatever takes your fancy, just hit me here or at my [tumblr](http://christopherpolecolfer.tumblr.com/) or [twitter](http://twitter.com/jantbastian/). Or you can use them to yell at me or ask questions, or whatever the hell you want. I'll answer everything related to the fic in the tag I mentioned above anyway.  
> I have a playlist in the works on 8tracks, which is about half-done and currently has no cover art. So as soon as I reach the 8 track limit and make a cover art I'll post that. In the mean time, I have a playlist for Sebastian Smythe [here](http://8tracks.com/stairwaytolucifer/sex-is-about-power).


	5. the world is falling down, i am calling to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> World's collide, and Kurt goes into panic mode.

The harsh streak of Manhattan sunlight awoke Kurt from his beauty sleep in his boyfriend’s plush Memory Foam mattress. In the distance he heard movement in the kitchen, and smiled to himself as he thought about Bradley, dressed only in his boxers, making the two of them breakfast.

Kurt had been staying over at Bradley’s for a few nights now, alternating between the loft and his boyfriend’s apartment, where nothing could disturb the two of them from spending time alone together. Kudos to Kurt for managing to get a boyfriend who could afford to rent in Manhattan. It meant he got an extra half hour in bed before he had to get up, and it meant he didn’t have to walk through Bushwick clutching his Prada purse, hoping that he wouldn’t get mugged.

Kurt stepped out of bed, picking up his briefs from his neatly folded clothes on the chair, and walking over to the kitchen. He yawned on his way over, slipping them on and deciding to take a shower and get changed after breakfast.

He walked out into the living area, only to realise that his idealistic hope of domestic life with his boyfriend was dejectedly dashed.

A fully-dressed figure stood in the kitchen, tapping his fingers impatiently against the counter, his body turned from Kurt. Nevertheless, Kurt knew immediately that the figure wasn’t Bradley, because there was no way Bradley was that tall. And his ass wasn’t that great either.

Kurt frowned, reaching a hand underneath the couch and grabbing a baseball bat he kept there for emergencies. He got up quietly with it and walked over to the kitchen, clutching the baseball bat with sweaty hands. This was all he needed this morning, some mugger at Bradley’s apartment while Bradley was no place to be seen.

“Hey!” Kurt shouted out, preparing himself to swing the baseball bat.

To his disbelief, Sebastian Smythe turned around, an eyebrow raised a slimy smirk already on that stupid face of his. “Kurt,” he noted, eyes running down Kurt’s body, “Do you greet all the new New Yorkers like this, or am I special?”

Kurt dropped the baseball bat, draping his hands over his chest awkwardly, “Do you usually break into people’s apartments to drink their coffee?”

Sebastian laughed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “I live here. I suppose you were the boyfriend Brad was talking about.”

“He prefers Bradley,” Kurt snapped in response, “And I’m pretty sure he would have told me if he was letting someone crash.”

“I’m his new roommate,” Sebastian shrugged, pressing the coffee before pouring it into his mug.  _ Bradley’s mug _ , actually. Kurt still didn’t trust the guy, and he wouldn’t put breaking and entering past him.

“Coffee?” Sebastian asked, grabbing another mug. How the hell did he know where everything was? Kurt looked away, begrudgingly muttering, “Please.”

Sebastian chuckled, pouring the coffee into another mug. He twisted the handles round to face the counter, and picked up his mug. Kurt picked up the other, leaning on the counter beside Sebastian.

“I can’t believe I’m letting a burglar have coffee with me,” Kurt muttered, giving Sebastian an angry side-glance. Sebastian snorted, shrugging, “Hey, it’s not my problem if your boyfriend didn’t tell you about his new roommate.”

Kurt tutted, letting out a frustrated sigh, “Where is he anyway?”

“He said he had a class to get to. Something about a project going wrong or something? Oh, and you’re allowed to take whatever you want for breakfast.”

Kurt frowned, “Thanks.” He walked over to the fridge, opening it to pull out the bagels and the carton of milk. He opened a cupboard and grabbed a glass, attempting to ignore Sebastian. Or at least, until Sebastian cleared his throat and said, “You know, if you ever get fed up with him and you want to spend a night with your soulmate, I’m only next door. And judging by what I could hear last night, someone’s learnt a lot since they were with Thigh High.”

Kurt turned and glared at him, “What would you know about my relationship with Blaine?”

“As enthusiastic as Blaine is in bed,” Sebastian licked his lips, leaning against the counter, “I doubt you learnt all of that with him. Which means, somebody’s been getting a lot of action since they moved to New York. Not so much a prude anymore, are you?”

Kurt stared at him, eyebrows raised.

“Sex hair looks good on you, princess,” Sebastian’s eyes ran over Kurt’s body, stopping at his boxer shorts, “ _ Damn _ , puberty treated you well.”

Kurt glared at Sebastian, trying to come up with some witty comeback. But the only thing he could think about was the way Sebastian looked at him, and how (to his own disgust) he actually  _ liked  _ it.

The two of them stared at each other for a moment, neither of them wanting to make the first move towards anything, but not exactly wanting to walk away either. It wasn’t until Sebastian swallowed that Kurt seemed to regain composure, rolling his eyes and turning around to put away his bagel and the carton of milk back into the fridge. He put his mug back into the cupboard, muttering to Sebastian with his back still turned, “I’ll get breakfast on my way to class.” And with that, he walked back into Bradley’s bedroom to get changed.

Sebastian watched him leave, eyes glued to the boxers that weren’t really hiding anything.   
  


* * *

 

 

Kurt walked into the coffee shop accompanied by Rachel, who was blabbering about her newest attempt at stardom or something equally tedious. Kurt wasn’t listening, anyway.

The lunch time crowd had already filled the coffee shop, and despite how busy it ended up getting, Kurt came anyway. There was a reason this place was so popular, and it was something to do with the cosy atmosphere and the delicious black forest gateau hot chocolate Kurt treated himself to on particularly chaotic days - this day in particular called for scrumptious, chocolatey goodness.

Kurt’s mind was still stuck there; the way Sebastian had looked at him, the compliments, even the offer to join Sebastian. He hadn’t been able to get his mind off it all morning, and he hated to think how he’d cope if Sebastian was around that apartment whenever Kurt was. Sebastian irritated him deep to the core, and all the meaningless flirting just enraged him further,

God, his life was like some juicy, overly dramatic soap opera he’d probably love watching if it didn’t involve himself at the centre.

He joined the coffee shop’s queue, a debate going on to his head on whether to tell Bradley that his new roommate was in fact his boyfriend’s soulmate. He was distracted by a tap on his shoulder, and turned to see Rachel looking alarmingly at him.

Kurt sighed, “Sorry, I was… distracted.” He paused, before deciding to just fuck it and tell Rachel, “Sebastian is Bradley’s new roommate.”

Rachel gasped, and Kurt just sighed again. He turned around to face the queue while Rachel got over her initial shock, until she piped up to say, “How romantic!”

Kurt’s head twisted round to look at Rachel so quickly he could have had whiplash. “What?”

“Well, Blaine’s coming to New York. They’re already within the same social circles… it’s like a love story, you know? Star crossed lovers reunited.”

“You do realise Sebastian broke Blaine’s heart, right?”

Rachel just sighed, “Well, Sebastian may have done something bad, but that doesn’t stop Blaine loving him. In fact, it’s even better when Blaine realises that Sebastian is reformed and Blaine can love him again.”

Kurt thought back to Blaine’s Christmas party, and the weird way Sebastian had acted around him. He shook his head, scoffing, “That’s ridiculous. People like that don’t change. Need I remind you that Blaine was temporarily blind because of him?”

Rachel pursed her lips, “He drove me home after the Christmas party.”

Kurt felt like his eyebrows rose so high they reached his hairline. “What?”

“I was drunk, and he wasn’t. I could see the man that Blaine fell in love with, the knight in shining armour who came to my rescue…”

Kurt stared at her, physically repulsed. He held a hand up to his mouth, “No that’s… he must have a twin. Some other Smythe you mistook for Sebastian.”

“I assure you, Hummel,” Kurt flinched at the nickname, and the  _ voice _ , “I was the one who drove Rachel home. Her fathers were  _ very _ thankful I brought their little girl home safe,” Sebastian entered the conversation, seeming to have appeared from nowhere. Kurt had been too busy thinking about Sebastian to actually see Sebastian invading one of his special places. What was that he’d been saying about soap operas again?

“We have got to stop coming here,” he muttered to Rachel. He turned to Sebastian, smiling at the much taller boy, “Do you spend all your time hanging out in coffee shops, or just the ones I go to?”

“Actually I was here with a  _ friend _ . He raved to me about the place, said I had to try the coffee here, that it was the best in the city. You may know him, actually. Brad’s been telling me so much about you after I mentioned our  _ encounter _ this morning.”

Kurt took a step back; the last thing he wanted was his soulmate and his boyfriend being friends. “I thought you two were just roommates.”   
“Well, we were. But we got talking, and he seemed so desperate to form a decent relationship with his roommate after what happened with his last one.”

 

* * *

 

 

“So I hear you met Sebastian this morning,” Bradley greeted Kurt as he walked into Bradley’s apartment, “What did you think?”

Kurt groaned, “I knew the guy in high school, and he really hasn’t changed.” He dropped down onto Bradley’s couch, glad that Sebastian was nowhere to be seen.

Bradley raised his eyebrows, “Wait- high school, really?”

“Yeah,” Kurt pursed his lips, 

“Woah. Small world, huh.”

“Can we- can we stop talking about Sebastian, please? He’s all I’ve heard about, and I just want a few minutes peace with  _ my boyfriend _ .” As he spoke Kurt turned to straddle Bradley, finishing his sentence with a kiss.

Bradley pulled back. “Kurt, I think we should talk about this.”

Kurt dropped down onto Bradley, burying his head in the crook between Bradley’s shoulder and his chest. Bradley reached out to put a comforting arm on his back, “Look… I want you to feel safe here. If he’s a reminder of your past, he can go.”

Kurt looked up, “You’d do that?”

Bradley kissed Kurt briefly, breaking his smile out into a full-on grin, “Absolutely. You’re worth more to me than some guy I just met, and maybe we could-” he reached to scratch the back of his neck, staring at Kurt intently, “I mean, it’s only been a few months but you’ve been staying here for most of the time and-”

“No,” Kurt interrupted, “No, I- I couldn’t. I’m sorry. Sebastian can stay.”

There was silence for a moment.

Bradley looked at Kurt like Kurt had kicked his puppy, and Kurt couldn’t bear to look at him. Bradley mumbled, “No, Kurt… I’m sorry for bringing it up. It’s too soon, and since we’re not soulmates… this is just an arrangement, right?”

Kurt nodded, lifting himself off Bradley, “I should… I should go. I’m sorry.We can talk tomorrow, I just- I need some time. To think about… everything.”

He didn’t look at Bradley again, didn’t even bother looking up until the door to Bradley’s apartment was closed behind him. He felt the bile rise up as he walked, his mind constantly stuck on growing too attached to Bradley, and then there Sebastian was with those eyes again, and Kurt didn’t feel any better. The anxiety and panic of the day came flooding out, seeping through his bloodstream and into every part of him. He clutched his coat tighter as he walked, focusing only on getting home, back to the loft.

 

* * *

 

 

Kurt arrived home later that evening to a very passionate conversation happening in the kitchen. At first he assumed it was Rachel and Santana having yet another argument, but when he heard Blaine’s voice he froze in his place. He was about to announce his presence, but changed his mind as soon as he realised what the nature of the conversation was.

“Blaine has a point, babe. If Twinkle Toes is too busy seeing his boyfriend, that room is going to waste. I say we give it up and force those two to move in together. He probably wouldn’t argue, because I’ve seen how he looks when he tries to sneak in Monday morning.”

“Fine,” Rachel sighed, “But you’re taking me to see Wicked again, Santana. With Kurt. We’re telling him while he’s still caught up in the beauty of Oz.”

Kurt’s breath hitched, his throat closing up. Without making another sound, Kurt walked out of the loft, the others never even knowing he’d been there.


End file.
